topics: |  poetry | children | single-author

A cow’s outside 51

A cow’s outside is mainly hide.
Undoubtably this leather
Retains a cow’s insides inside,
And holds a cow together.

Bleezer's Ice Cream 48

	         I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
	         I run BLEEZER'S ICE CREAM STORE,
	         there are flavors in my freezer
	         you have never seen before,
	         twenty-eight divine creations
	         too delicious to resist,
	         why not do yourself a favor,
	         try the flavors on my list:

	 ,----------------------------------------;
	 |                                        |
	 |       COCOA MOCHA MACARONI             |
	 |       TAPIOCA SMOKED BALONEY           |
	 |       CHECKERBERRY CHEDDAR CHEW        |
	 |       CHICKEN CHERRY HONEYDEW          |
	 |       TUTTI-FRUTTI STEWED TOMATO       |
	 |       TUNA TACO BAKED POTATO           |
	 |       LOBSTER LITCHI LIMA BEAN         |
	 |       MOZZARELLA MANGOSTEEN            |
	 |       ALMOND HAM MERINGUE SALAMI       |
	 |       YAM ANCHOVY PRUNE PASTRAMI       |
	 |       SASSAFRAS SOUVLAKI HASH          |
	 |       SUKIYAKI SUCCOTASH               |
	 |       BUTTER BRICKLE PEPPER PICKLE     |
	 |       POMEGRANATE PUMPERNICKEL         |
	 |       PEACH PIMENTO PIZZA PLUM         |
	 |       PEANUT PUMPKIN BUBBLEGUM         |
	 |       BROCCOLI BANANA BLUSTER          |
	 |       CHOCOLATE CHOP SUEY CLUSTER      |
	 |       AVOCADO BRUSSELS SPROUT          |
	 |       PERIWINKLE SAUERKRAUT            |
	 |       COTTON CANDY CARROT CUSTARD      |
	 |       CAULIFLOWER COLA MUSTARD         |
	 |       ONION DUMPLING DOUBLE DIP        |
	 |       TURNIP TRUFFLE TRIPLE FLIP       |
	 |       GARLIC GUMBO GRAVY GUAVA         |
	 |       LENTIL LEMON LIVER LAVA          |
	 |       ORANGE OLIVE BAGEL BEET          |
	 |       WATERMELON WAFFLE WHEAT          |
	 |                                        |
	 `----------------------------------------"

	         I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
	         I run BLEEZER'S ICE CREAM STORE,
	         taste a flavor from my freezer,
	         you will surely ask for more.

Homework! Oh homework! 54

Homework! Oh homework!
I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you
away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're giving me fits.

I'd rather take baths
with a man-eating shark,
or wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework
my teacher assigns

Homework! Oh, homework!
you're last on my list,
I simple can't see
why you even exist,
if you just disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework! Oh, homework!
I hate you! You stink!

Be Glad Your Nose is on Your Face 64

Be glad your nose is on your face,
not pasted on some other place,
for if it were where it is not,
you might dislike your nose a lot.

Imagine if your precious nose
were sandwiched in between your toes,
that clearly would not be a treat,
for you'd be forced to smell your feet.

Your nose would be a source of dread
were it attached atop your head,
it soon would drive you to despair,
forever tickled by your hair.

Within your ear, your nose would be
an absolute catastrophe,
for when you were obliged to sneeze,
your brain would rattle from the breeze.

Your nose, instead, through thick and thin,
remains between your eyes and chin,
not pasted on some other place--
be glad your nose is on your face!

An alley cat with on life left 82

I'm an alley cat with one life left,
I started out with nine,
but lost the first in a knockdown fight
with a cat named Frankenstein,
my second went soon after that
to something that I ate,
my third went under a garbage truck -
I noticed it too late.

While strolling through the zoo one day,
I heard an awful roar,
I'd strayed into a lion's cage-
so much for number four,
I lost my fifth one morning
to a ton of falling bricks,
then tumbled from a window ledge,
and gave up number six.

My seventh went to a Saint Bernard
I was no match for him,
my eighth was squandered in the lake -
it seems I couldn't swim,
so now I'd better watch my step,
I'm down to number nine,
I'm an alley cat with one life left,
and glad that life is mine.

New York is in North Carolina 78

New York is in North Carolina.
Seattle is found in Peru.
New Mexico borders on Norway and Italy.
Boston’s near Kalamazoo.
Quebec is a town in Hawaii.
Connecticut lies in Trieste.
   Those are a few of the answers I wrote  
   When I flunked my geography test.

Never Mince Words With A Shark 89

You may quarrel with centipedes, quibble with seals,
declaim to a duck in the park,
engage in disputes with cantankerous coots,
but never mince words with a shark.

You may rant at an anteater, banter with eels,
and haggle with gaggles of geese,
heap verbal abuse on a monkey or moose,
but a shark you best leave in peace.

You may argue with otters, make speeches to teals,
and lecture at length to a shrew,
but a shark will deflate your attempts at debate,
and before you are done, you are through.

Today is very boring 96

      Jack Prelutzky

Today is very boring,
it's a very boring day,
there is nothing much to look at,
there is nothing much to say,
there's a peacock on my sneakers,
there's a penguin on my head,
there's a dormouse on my doorstep,
I am going back to bed.

Today is very boring,
it is boring through and through,
there is absolutely nothing
that I think I want to do,
I see giants riding rhinos,
and an ogre with a sword,
there's a dragon blowing smoke rings,
I am positively bored.

Today is very boring,
I can hardly help but yawn,
there's a flying saucer landing
in the middle of the lawn,
a volcano just erupted
less than half a mile away
and I think I felt an earthquake
it's a very boring day.

Suzanna Socked Me Sunday 121

Suzanna socked me Sunday,
she socked me Monday, too,
she also socked me Tuesday,
I was turning black and blue.

She socked me double Wednesday,
and Thursday even more,
but when she socked me Friday,
She began to get me more.

"Enough's enough," I yelled at her,
"I don't like it when you hit me!"
"Well, then I won't!" Suzanna said-
that Saturday, she bit me.

I am falling off a mountain 149

I am falling off a mountain
I am plummeting in space,
You may see this does not please me,
by the frown upong my face.

As the ground keeps getting nearer,
Its a simple task to tell,
that I've got a slight dilemma
that my days' not going well.

My velocity is increasing
I am dropping like a stone,
I could use some assistance,
Is there someone I can phone?
[..]

I am running out of options,
There's just one thing left to try -
In the next eleven seconds
I have got to learn to fly !!

Index of poems

Ah! A Monster's Lot Is Merry
An Alley Cat With One Life Left 82
Alligators Are Unfriendly
Archie B. Mccall
Ballad Of A Boneless Chicken
Baloney Belly Billy
Be Glad Your Nose Is On Your Face 64
Bleezer's Ice Cream
The Bloders Are Exploding
Boing! Boing! Squeak!
Bulgy Bunne
The Carpenter Rages
The Cave Beast Greets A Visitor
The Cherries' Garden Gala
Clara Cleech
Come See The Thing
A Cow's Outside 51
Cuckoo!
Dainty Dottie Dee
Dauntless Dimble
The Diatonic Dittymunch
Do Oysters Sneeze?
Dora Diller
Drumpp The Grump
Eggs!
Euphonica Jarre
The Flimsy Fleek
Floradora Doe
The Flotz
Forty Performing Bananas
Granny Grizer
Griselda Gratz
Gussie's Greasy Spoon
Happy Birthday, Dear Dragon
Henrietta Snetter
Homework! Oh, Homework! 54
I Am Falling Off A Mountain 149
I Am Flying!
I Am Running In A Circle
I Do Not Like The Rat!
I Found A Four-leaf Clover
I Spied My Shadow Slinking
I Toss Them To My Elephant
I Wonder Why Dad Is So Thoroughly Mad
I'd Never Dine On Dinosaurs
I'd Never Eat A Beet
I'm Bold, I'm Brave
I'm Disgusted With My Brother
I'm In A Rotten Mood!
I'm Thankful
I'm The Single Most Wonderful Person I Know
I've Got An Incredible Headache
I've Got An Itch
An Irritating Creature
Its Fangs Were Red
Jellyfish Stew
Lavinia Nink
Louder Than A Clap Of Thunder
Ma! Don't Throw That Shirt Out
Mabel, Remarkable Mabel
Mean Maxine
Michael Built A Bicycle
A Microscopic Topic
Miraculous Mortimer
The Mungle And The Munn
My Baby Brother
My Brother's Head Should Be Replaced
My Dog, He Is An Ugly Dog
My Mother Says I'm Sickening
My Sister Is A Sissy
The Neighbors Are Not Fond Of Me
Never Mince Words With A Shark 89
The New Kid On The Block
New York Is In North Carolina 78
Nine Mice
No, I Won't Turn Orange!
The Nothing-doings
Oh, Teddy Bear
Ounce And Bounce
Seymour Snorkke
Sidney Snickke
Sir Blushington Bloone
Sneaky Sue
Snillies
Something Silky
Song Of The Gloopy Gloppers
Stringbean Small
Super-goopy Glue
Suzanna Socked Me Sunday 121
There Is A Thing
Throckmorton Thratte
Today Is A Day To Crow About
Today Is Very Boring 96
An Unassuming Owl
Uncanny Colleen
The Underwater Wibbles
We Each Wore Half A Horse
We Heard Wally Wail
What Nerve You've Got, Minerva Mott!
When Dracula Went To The Blood Bank
When Tillie Ate The Chili
When Young, The Slyne
A Wolf Is At The Laundromat
You Need To Have An Iron Rear
Yubbazubbies
Zany Zapper Zockke
The Zoosher