Murakh-ji discovers the sonometer

From the day they had put in the sonometer Murakhji had been wondering
about its function.  His wife said the maid had told her it was a
"lady catcher". 
  - "It's meant to trap the ladies' heels." she said.
  - "What silliness! This is not a male chauvinist place!" said Murakh-ji.
  - "But ladies trying to cross it are apparently getting caught by their
heels... I mean the heels on their shoes are getting caught."
  - "This is an institute of excellence. Proper ladies should be entering
either by car or by bicycle." said Murakh-ji. 
  At this point his son joined the conversation. "What rubbish!" he said. 
"Everyone knows it's a cow catcher".
   - "But why should a cow catcher make so much noise?" asked Murakhji.
   - "Papa!" said his son, "They just don't know how to do it right,
that's all! Don't you know about the white barrier at the gate? Why is it
always up? They made the balancing weight so heavy that three men can't
pull it down. This is the kind of design that is done here."
   - "Son! Please don't jump to conclusions without knowing the facts.
I have personally made a detailed study of that gate. It's heavy 
because it serves also as an exercise machine for our security staff,
some of whom are so unfit that they can't jump over a one-foot wall."
   - "But then, why is it not used?"
   - "My dear son, this is a high-tech gate, and all high-tech things need
lots of training. Once some untrained guards tried to use it. Four of
them had pulled it down after much exercise, but then the phone rang
and one of them went to answer it. Phatak-se the other three
were two stories high in the air, hanging from the rope for their dear
lives... One can never tell what dangers may be caused without proper
training."
   - "But how long will this training take?" his son persisted.
   - "Sometimes the training can take years. Why once there was a high
tech equipment came in a nice a crate in the
corridor and sat there for years. At last when training was over,
the instrument had become obsolete and had to be thrown away.... Well -
No - not all of it - I think the crate was made into furniture."
   - "Very expensive furniture" remarked the irreverent fellow.
   - "Of course! Why should we use cheap furniture in an institute of
excellence! Remember, son, that we have the very best 
engineers in the whole nation. And everything done here has a perfectly
good reason. Just that it's not obvious to ordinary people like us!"
   - "Anyhow, papa, that thing IS a cow-catcher." His son was an obstinate
fellow. "And as for engineers, there are no engineers here. There are only
doctorates in engineering. You know, in medicine, many doctorates aren't
even allowed to see patients?"
   This was the limit of impertinence. Murakh-ji retreated into a huff.
   - "Maybe the cows will be scared off by the noise?" offered his helpful
wife. But Murakh-ji did not bite.  

   The next morning, Murakh-ji could hear the "trrr-rnk" "trrr-rnk" right
from the SAC crossing. Suddenly it struck him. He did a number of experiments
through the day, and in the evening, he confronted his family with his
new revealations. 

   - "You remember the sonometer we were discussing yesterday?"
   What meter? No one seemed to remember.
   "You know the thing you were calling a cow-catcher. It's actually a 
'SO-NO-METER.' And he paused for effect.
   "And what is a sonometer?" his good wife asked, while serving him his tea.
   "It's an instrument for measuring the research activity in the
institute from a distance. The more the sonometer rings, the more the
activity. Every month, an activity report is sent to the ministry.  In fact,
our funding entirely depends on it." explained Murakh-ji, like a magician
letting the audience onto a secret. 
   Even his son was silenced. But only for a few minutes. "But why not use
a weight meter? Why this sound pollution?"
   "Because it is a SONO-meter!" said Murakh-ji. "Sono means sound. I don't
know what they teach in your central school! The sound is recorded from the
babu floor on the main building... and the babu's don't even have to leave
their desks. I have personally verified all this." said Murakh-ji, feeling
like Sachin after a century against Pakistan.
   "Very clever." concurred his wife. "The louder the sound, the more the
activity, I guess?"
   "Yes," said Murakh-ji. "Some day, they are hoping it will be loud enough
to be heard from the ministry itself. Then the funds will simply come pouring
in..."
   His son muttered something about "institute of the deaf" but Murakh-ji
in his wisdom ignored it.

   That night, Murakh-ji slept a contented sleepcontent. God was in
his heaven and all was well with the world. The occasional sound of
the sonometer clanged in his ears like a lullaby.

----

This story is reported as described to Amitabha Mukerjee two weeks
back. More recently, the sound levels of the Sonometer appeared to
have gone down somewhat. Murakh-ji is very unhappy -- is the research
level going down, after all?  Very very sad! Do any of the readers
of Eyes have a novel theory to put this matter in the right perspective?

=========

NOTES: Appeared in EYES February 1998