Murakh-ji's survey on how to remove bees from campus

Recently, the problem of bees on campus has been vexing many creative
minds on campus. Murakh-ji set out to survey the high tech priests on
this incisive problem.

Entering campus, he went to the first building and put the question to
the first man he met. This happened to be a Computer Scientist, who
took Murakh-ji to a tea room upstairs where a high level meeting was
in progress. After much deliberation on a whiteboard, the following
simple and foolproof procedure was proposed.

Algorithm Bee:
	1. Start at the Main Gate.
	2. Repeat
		a. Turn left, and traverse the width of the institute. 
		b. Turn right, and traverse right back, advancing a
			bit into the campus each time. 
		c. During each sweepline traversal, catch all insects
			fitting a fuzzy bee template.  
	3. Until you reach beyond the institute boundary. 
	4. Here you may dump all the bees captured into the nahar. 

Parallel Processing researchers suggested executing the algorithm with
divide-and-conquer by having O(n) people swoop through campus waving
insect-trapping nets and uttering loud war-cries to let others know
where to rendezvous with them. Assembly language programmers suggested
executing Algorithm B on their hands and knees to speed up execution
at the critical points.

Much impressed, Murakh-ji then went to the MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
building. It was suggested here that a large energy source be used to
vibrate IIT at a frequency that would resonate only bees and nothing
else. The bees with their small mass would absorb all this energy and
in a short while their amplitude would be so high that they would be
scattered all over the known universe.

ROBOTICS people suggested building an artificially intelligent flower
that would snap shut whenever a bee sat on it. A similar technique had
been developed in Germany and they would have to look up their
catalogs to see if they still had the name of the vendor.  

The PHYSICS department devised an experiment whereby bees were fired
through a small hole, and emerged on the other side as waves or bees,
depending on how you looked at it. Thus having demonstrated the
quantum nature of bees, they said that there would be high certainty
of capture only if the bees' velocity was known with a sufficiently
high error. They wanted a week's time to come up with a method to make
bees move more erratically.

HUMANITIES conducted a three year World Bank funded study on the
social dynamics of the beehive and recommended that all bees be made
queen's -- then all the beehives would disintegrate on their own in no
time.

While talking to MATHEMATICIANS, Murakh-ji could not establish an
existence proof for bees, and without this people refused to discuss
the matter any further. Statisticians decided to trap the first insect
they saw N times and call it a bee within an estimable variance.
Murakh-ji left this group in a hurry.

The ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING department pounced on the idea, convened a
national seminar, and convinced the Department of Electronics to fund
a five-year multi-institute Technology Development Mission to study
the problem with partial industry funding.

The WORKSHOP staff, being real engineers, suggested testing insects at
random. Anything whose bite approximated the bite of a known bee
within a manufacturing tolerance would be caught. Those volunteering
to conduct tests should be given merit increments.

CIVIL ENGINEERS wanted to entomb the bees in permanently isolated
concrete greenhouses thereby creating a separate ecosystem for them to
survive without confrontation. Ideal locations for these sites could
be pinpointed within 50m through remote sensing techniques.

The AERONAUTICAL department wanted to test the bee's aerodynamics and
re-design their wing camber so that bees would simply fall to the
ground. Unfortunately no experiments could be conducted since their
wind tunnel was too large for bees.

METALLURGISTS looked at the bee-wing under the microscope and
pronounced it to be similar to a 20% pearlite structure in the
Iron-Carbon diagram, which meant that With a density of 7.8, they felt
thatbees, like iron filings, could simply be cleaned up with a
high-powered magnet.

The IWD didn't catch bees, but they wanted to know if there was a
commission to be had in it.

Finally, on his way home, Murakh-ji bumped into a SECURITY man, who
vehemently opposed any attempt to remove the bees, since they were an
excellent thief deterrent. In fact, thieves often broke the hives to
deter any police from chasing them, and they should be protected by
all means. 

Murakh-ji had a headache by the time he reached home. While he was
having his chai, a bee buzzed in. His wife swatted it with a newspaper
and asked him, "How was your day?"