topics: |  english | language

Don't turn the other cheek and fume quietly; know what to say when someone
throws out the snide backhanded "compliment," subtle insult, cruel criticism,
or outright verbal blow. Inside these pages is an arsenal of tools for
fending off that attack and neutralizing the harm spiteful words
inflict. Learn to identify modes of verbal assault, such as laying blame, and
to recognize when someone is about to launch a linguistic strike and the
motivation behind it. Sample scripts prevent you from getting tongue-tied,
and a progress journal helps you use voice and body language for maximum
effect. Find out how to handle the eight most common types of verbal
violence, and redirect and defuse potential verbal confrontations so
skillfully that they rarely happen. Special suggestions are included for
college students, men, and women, and for handling emergency situations such
as an angry crowd.

If you really (X), you would / wouldn't want to (Y).
   meaner: If you really (X), you wouldn't even want to (Y).
How to Handle:
	a. know that you are under attack
	b. know what kind of attack you are facing
	c. speak to the presupposition. (see *)
   e.g. Man: If you really loved me, you wouldn't waste so much money
    # Woman: I don't waste money! Do you have any idea how much it costs to
	feed a family these days.
	     [Woman has already lost this one, because she has neglected the
	      real challenge - that she doesn't love him.]
    * Woman: You know, it's interesting that so many men have this feeling
	     that their wives don't love them.
    ? Woman: You know, it's interesting that so many men, once they reach
	your age, have this feeling that their wives don't love them.
	     [dirty fighting ==> results in instantaneous escalation]
---
    Child: If you really wanted me to get an A in math, you'd buy me a
	calculator.
 * Father: Hey, when did you start thinking I didn't care about it?
 # Father: Parents who really want their kids to get A's in math don't buy
	them calculators. [challenges the wrong presupposition]
---
Don't you even care about (X)
Presuppositions:
	a. You don't care about x
	b. You should
	c. You should feel guilty about this.
  Handle: challenge the presupposition.
      [e.g.
  Boss: If you really cared about being promoted you would _want to turn
      in your reports on time]
* Employee: Miss Stein, have you always felt that I had no interest in being
      promoted.  or,
   *  MS, where did you get the idea that I'm not interested in being
         promoted? p.60
Crude response that may work is:
   Chair: Don't you even care about the other members of the committee?
  Member: No, why?